TV Quote of the Week (And Maybe the Year)

"Who the hell moved my vagina?" - Maw Maw (Raising Hope)

If you didn't see the episode, this probably doesn't make any sense, so you'll just have to go to hulu.com and watch it.

TV Quote of the Week

"Don't get me started on how coddled the modern anus is" - Dwight (The Office)

And a special mention of 30 Rock's insult of me and some of my readers:
"A parent is the one person who is supposed to make their kid think they can do anything. Says they're beautiful even when they're ugly. Thinks they're smart even when they go to Arizona State" - Jack

Hard Candy Christmas

Tis the season for everybody's favorite Christmas song (or at least mine)

TV Quote of the Week

"That hooker was wearing a wire. I heard the whole thing on the walkie-talkie. Its like watching your kid drown and not being able to tell him to SHUT-UP!" - Virginia (Raising Hope)

TV Quote of the Week

"Andy look...All I know is if I was a girl and had to choose between a tall dude who loved Asia and a you-looking dude who loved sweaters and wearing sweaters, I'd choose you...and I'd blow your mind" - Darryl (The Office)

TV Quote of the Week

"Well that's coconuts, you're super delightful" - Phil (Modern Family)

TV Quote of the Week

"If you got a problem, take it up with my butt. He's the only one that gives a crap" - Peter (Family Guy)

I also enjoyed: "India: the birthplace of diarrhea" - Roger (American Dad)

All Hail Martha Plimpton

Remember Stef from The Goonies? That's Martha Plimpton, my new favorite thing about TV. She's on the new show Raising Hope, and is so fantastic I can't ever do her justice. I recommend everybody watch the show (might I suggest the episodes Dead Tooth or Say Cheese). Here's a little clip.

Why I Don't Leave Voice Mails

This is a dramatization of a phone call I made yesterday.

Voice Mail: "...please leave your name and number and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Beeeeeep."

Me: "Hi my name is Derek, I received an email from you today inviting me to interview with your program and I was just calling to set that up. I was thinking December 17th if that was still available. Please give me a call back at....ummm...For some reason I'm blanking on my telephone number...it's....uhhh...3-3...no, wait....uhhh....ummm..."

Voice Mail: "Beeeeeep. End of message."

What a moron.

TV Quote of the Week

YAY!! TV is back and so is the return of my quote of the week. Despite the attempts of outside influences (*cough*Hollie*), I'm gonna have to go with a quote from my favorite episode of the week and that was 30 Rock

"As great as I am at this, I'm not really necessary...Hmmm...the last time I said that I was in a three-way with two of the Backstreet Boys" - Jenna

Koro

I'm not trying to focus my blog on vaginas and penises (on purpose, at least), but I always learn new things that I think are interesting enough that I have to share them (as you've seen from my past several posts) - plus my life is boring enough that I don't have anything else to talk about. So here's another penis related story.
In studying for an upcoming exam, I came across a psychiatric disorder that I have never heard of before. It's called Koro.
Koro is an acute anxiety state seen mainly in Asian men in which they fear that their penis is shrinking (and often that this might be fatal). It can also manifest in women, where they fear their nipples are retracting. It's not known exactly what the cause is (there are likely many contributing factors), but there are also case reports of this happening to American men after smoking marijuana. (from now on I'm going to tell everyone that marijuana shrinks your genitals - which technically is not untrue)
Even more interesting is that this fear can be more than just an isolated incident and epidemics have been reported.

"Minor Koro epidemics have seized localised parts of Asia at various times, including a well documented 1967 outbreak in Singapore. As the panic spread hospitals became inundated with people worried that their penises were shrinking into their body. Many had resorted to pegs, clamps and even a constant firm grip from concerned family members attempting to prevent the member from vanishing entirely. According to an analysis of the incident reported in the Singapore Medical Journal, the panic stemmed from rumours that pork, poisoned from a swine fever inoculation, was causing genital shrinkage. Similar outbreaks in the Guangdong region in China have been related to an alleged sighting of the beautiful Hu Li Jung, a genital thieving fox spirit traditionally thought to wander the countryside in search of male victims."
(http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2002/9/16/81843/6555)

Interestingly, the word Koro may be derived from the malaysian word for "Tortoise".

Fun Fact of the Day

You may know that bacteria can be found growing normally everywhere on/in your body, but did you know that the predominant bacteria found in the vagina (Lactobacillus acidophilus) is the same bacteria used to make some yogurt? Enjoy!!

More Scrubs (By Popular Demand)

Scrubs isn't always penis jokes, but when they do penis jokes, they're hilarious.

Yeahsayer - "Madder Red"

This is an interesting music video. I don't know the band, but the video stars Kristen Bell, who I love cause she starred in Veronica Mars, one of my favorite shows ever.

Greatest Scene Ever?

I love Scrubs, and this is probably one of the greatest conversations ever in the history of television.

BINGO!!

During my recent return to Arizona for my brother's wedding (yes I was there but only briefly so I didn't see anyone, sorry all), I was invited to go play Bingo (Midnight Session) by Brad & Emmy (Justin & Sara were there too). I lost game after game (as usual). Then it came to the final game - you had to get a blackout. Being an experienced (tho winless) Bingo player, I knew that the winner would call "Bingo" somewhere around 51-53 numbers called. So after the 44th number was called and I still had 6 numbers left, I didn't give myself much of a chance.

Me: "6 numbers in a row and I got this"
Number 45
Me: "5 more in a row and I got this"
Number 46
Me: "4 more numbers in a row and I got this"
Number 47
Me: "stupid G47"

I then proceeded to get 3 of the next 4 numbers. They had called 51 numbers and I needed 1 more. I had a chance.
By now, I was pretty nervous, so I laid off the smart-ass comments. Everyone around me also was aware that I only needed 1 more, so they were paying attention to me as well, making my nerves worse - tho I put on a cool exterior. After every number was called I expected someone to yell out "Bingo" and my dreams would be dashed.

Number 52 - no bingo (for me or anyone else)
Number 53 - no bingo (for me or anyone else)
Number 54 - no bingo (for me or anyone else)

Then the 55th number appeared on the screen (which it does before they call it out) - It was the last number I needed: G55 (my new favorite number). I figured it was late in the game so a bunch of people would be calling out bingo and I would have to share my winnings.

Bingo Caller: "G-55"
Me (and only me): "BINGO!!"

I didn't let myself get too excited because Andrew still had to confirm I had a winning card (Paper, marked with my blue dauber). He came over and read of the numbers to the confirmation committee.

Bingo Caller: "That's one good bingo, are there any others"
Andrew: "Do you know how much you just won?"
Me: "Nope"
Bingo Caller: "Once again are there any others...That's one good bingo, paying a jackpot of $1199"

Woohoo!!

This is me and my money in an intimate moment

This is me rolling around in my money (with a crotch shot for all you ladies - and some of you gentlemen)

"...but the tips are huge"

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) says there are "potential medical benefits of newborn male circumcision; however, these data are not sufficient to recommend routine neonatal circumcision." Basically, in the US, it is the parents decision whether or not to circumcise their boys, and if they choose to do so, it is purely a cosmetic procedure. While doing my pediatrics rotation, I heard this often and was on the fence about whether or not I thought circumcision was a good idea. The one real advantage is circumcision does decrease the spread of HIV, but I would hope my (fictional) children would not be putting themselves at risk anyway. Some say circumcision decreases sensitivity and thus sexual satisfaction, but there is no real evidence of this. The procedure itself is not terrible (the worst part seemed to be that the babies hate being strapped down and unable to move), but if it is unnecessary, should we really subject the boys to this just cause dad's looks that way?
Then I did a urology rotation. I've seen 2 men in their 70s who've received circumcisions because their foreskins had thickened and tightened, one to the point that he couldn't urinate well. And trust me, the procedure in a newborn is nothing compared to the brutality inflicted on an adult. The newborn has no stitches and heals in a couple of days, the adult has stitches all around the penis and takes about 2 weeks to heal - and painfully i'm assuming. I saw another man who had penile cancer and had to have more than half his penis removed. Its almost guaranteed that you won't get penile cancer if you don't have a foreskin. I also saw a man with balanitis xerotica obliterans (BXO), which is a progressive hardening of the tissue on the foreskin and head of the penis. This can cause numerous problems and again is almost exclusively seen in uncircumcised males. These conditions are not very common (penile cancer is actually pretty rare) - and likely why the AAP doesn't recommend "routine" circumcision - but with circumcision you all but decrease the chance to zero. Pediatricians don't really see the problems that a foreskin can cause - they refer them to a urologist to deal with. And after what I've seen with the urologist, I recommend circumcision to all - that foreskin will only cause trouble.

Inception

I'm a big fan of Christopher Nolan, so I was very excited to see his newest movie Inception. A lot of times when i'm excited to see a movie, I build it up in my head and then when I see it I'm greatly disappointed. This was not the case for Inception, because it totally blew me away. The basic plot of the movie (and trust me, I couldn't explain more than the basics if I wanted to), is that there are a team of individuals that can be hired to go into someone's subconscious via their dreams and extract information. Essentially they are dream thieves. A corporation wants them to do something a little different though, and hires them to enter the dreams of a man in order implant an idea instead of stealing it. The problem with this is that the idea must be implanted in such a way that the man believes it is his own idea and not planted by someone else. I'm not a fan of movies and TV shows that invest your time in something that turns out not to be the reality you thought you were watching (i.e. Identity, the flash-sideways in the final season of Lost), but that is not the case with Inception. You pretty much know when they are in a dream and when they are in reality. The story is very complex and felt way over my head, though I began to get a grasp on pieces of it as the movie developed, but that doesn't make the movie any less enthralling. About halfway into the movie, my heart started pounding and didn't let up until about 30 minutes after it ended. The acting is fantastic - I was particularly impressed with the English actor Tom Hardy who plays Eames and the French actress Marion Cotillard who plays Mal. The visual effects are stunning as worlds bend in on themselves and gravity loses its effect. Its an insanely brilliant movie that I highly recommend.

Bring on the Wieners!!

Well my 6 weeks of all things vagina has come and gone. I saw a lot of crazy things, including one lady who came to the clinic bleeding profusely (picture an open vagina pooling with blood and snot-like blobs of blood clots - better yet, don't picture it, it really was one of the most disgusting things i've ever seen). I smelled a lot of crazy smells (enough said). I violated unconcious women as they prepared for surgery (at least that's what it felt like when I did a pelvic exam on anesthetized women - actually the best time to do an exam because they are completely relaxed). I did a lot of pap smears. I even caught a couple of babies as they came shooting out (right before the first one the doctor leaned down to me and whispered "your job is to hold on to this baby. do not drop this baby" - don't worry, I held on). Overall it was a really good experience, though. And after my week long vacation (more on my Florida trip later) I will be starting a Urology rotation. I figure I need to give equal time to penises as I have given to vaginas (though I'm sure I'll still be dealing with those too).

Real Life Quote of the Week

As a woman gets older and approaches menopause her periods usually get a little out of whack. Today in the clinic, one such patient described her periods: "Sometimes they're normal, sometimes its just light spotting and some months its like I'm bleeding cats and dogs"

TV Quote of the Week

There's not much on these days, so this blog feature will probably stop after next week's season finale of Glee. I chose this quote in honor of the dirty vaginas I see every day:

"You know for me, trophies are like herpes. You can try to get rid of them, but they just keep coming. You know why? Sue Sylvester has hourly flare-ups of burning, itchy, highly contagious talent." - Sue (Glee)

Runner-up:
"That's what they said about a young man in Chicago in 1871 who thought he'd play a harmless prank on the dairy cow of one Mrs. O'leary. He successfully ignited its flatulence and a city burned, William. That young terrorist went on to become the first gay president of the United States, Abraham Lincoln" - Sue (Glee)

(By the way, I want to encourage everyone to watch the reruns of Parks and Recreation. Its the funniest sitcom on TV, yet no one watches it. They did renew it for another season, but it won't be starting until midseason, which makes me nervous. I hope we can avoid another Arrested Development disaster and keep it on the air.)

Devastated!

So I was watching the finale of 24. The episode was great. The tension was building. My heart was pounding. It went to the final commercial break before the last 10 minutes. BAM!! My power went out. There was a storm that hit the night before during the Lost finale and I worried about the power going out, but it didn't. So when a lesser storm hit the next night, I didn't really think about it, but sure enough I had to wait until the next morning to watch the end on Hulu, but it wasn't the same. I was totally devastated. I slept horrible that night. Yep, I'm a loser.

What Do I Do Now?

Over the next 2 days, my 2 favorite TV shows of the year and of the last several years are coming to an end. I haven't been at such a crossroads in my life since they cancelled Gilmore Girls and Veronica Mars in the same season a few years back.

Tonight Lost ends. The thing I love about Lost is that its so different. There's never really been a TV show like it. They've tried to reproduce it's success with various shows over the last few years and they always fizzle out. The beauty of the show is that they took the first year to introduce each character by devoting an entire episode to them. The characters were unique and fascinating. As they introduce them, they started weaving a complicated mythology into the show. The beauty of the mythology is that they never really give you answers. They make you think you're getting the answers because they're showing you things you've always wondered about, but they never actually reveal any truths. And if they actually do, 20 other questions pop up. They never catered to the people that stopped watching because they weren't getting answers (i.e. the dumb ones). It always stayed unique and original and that's why I love Lost.

Tomorrow night, 24 ends. While Lost changed TV 6 years ago, 24 did it 8 years ago (actually 9 including the one year it wasn't on due to the writer's strike). They made a show in real time in which each episode represents one hour in a certain crazy day. This had never been done before either. I don't know if I've ever seen a show that made my heart race as much as 24. Where I literally cheered on the hero (and Tony Almaeda when he rescued the hero). That hero is Jack Bauer, possibly the coolest character ever created. He cut off a man's head! He shot a man's wife to get information from the man (later done in the movie Taken)! This season he killed a guy with an axe to the chest! I'm sorry to see the show go, especially because it's having one of its best years ever. This season has been full of surprises and is still as exciting as it ever has been. Plus Jack in full body armor attacking a ex-president's cavalcade with a semi-automatic machine gun (one of my favorite moments ever).

So goodbye Lost. Goodbye 24. I don't know what I'll do without you.

Bring on the Vaginas!

I just completed my Pediatrics rotation. I held on for the first 5 weeks of the rotation without getting sick and then, like a moron, I cursed myself and told people how I didn't get sick the whole rotation. Tada! I got a URI during the last week of my rotation (that's Upper Respiratory Infection or lots of snot in my nose for those of you not medically inclined).
It was a good rotation. I rotated with James Simmons, MD. He's a great doctor and a lot of fun, mostly because he just teases everyone relentlessly. He wasn't able to completely break me of my uptightness (I just can't get comfortable with this being a doctor thing), but he did get me to briefly display my rapping skills.
My favorite moment was when a 6-year old patient was checking out and Dr. Simmons came up to me and told me that this kid had a girlfriend with a bald spot and that the boy liked to suck his thumb and rub her bald spot. That in and of itself is hilarious. The the kid retaliated and said "yeah, well I saw your wife and...". I didn't hear the rest because I was laughing hysterically as Dr. Simmons pointed out to the boy that his wife was standing right there. The boy bolted out of the office. It was fantastic.
Next up 6 weeks of OB/GYN. I'll be sure to let everyone know whether I pass out or vomit at any point during this rotation

TV Quote of the Week

"So you like show tunes. It doesn't mean you're gay, it just means you're awful" - Sue (Glee) - Its funny cause its true

Runner-up: "Just to be clear, I'm not condoning eating your kids, but I sure as heck know why giraffes do it" - Phil (Modern Family)

Nephews

Here are some pictures of my nephews I took while I was in Arizona

Axl


Preston


Tustin


Ryan


Paris with Preston, Ryan and Tustin

New Music

Something strange was happening with my music player recently. I hadn't done anything to it, but the song "Jesus Christ" by Brand New had somehow been replaced by a church hymn. Not wanting to offend any of my Atheist friends, and trying to ignore any signs from above, I've reworked my playlist with all new songs. Enjoy :)

Bird Questions

I saw this on TV and thought it was hilarious. (Be sure and read the answer as well)

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20091009142446AATCtWy

Infantilism

While reading my psychiatry textbook, I came across an interesting passage. It was in the chapter on sexual disorders, which I find pretty interesting, but this is really just kind of weird:

"one of the more unusual paraphilias is infantilism, in which the person obtains sexual gratification by behaving like an infant. In one such case seen at our hospital, a 30-year-old former fighter pilot reported that he could function sexually only while wearing a diaper and sucking on a pacifier. He enjoyed having his partner change the diaper, apply baby powder, and bottle-feed him. Although the role-play initially was used for sexual gratification, he later found it comforting and generally wore a diaper under his clothing at all times."

I've added the picture for effect :) - enjoy Lisa

Google Autofill

I was recently reintroduced to the Google Autofill game and realized I have never introduced it to my "blogites". And if my post-bronchitis wheezing/squealing/dying animal laughter is any indication, you will all enjoy this game as well.

Basically all you do is go to google.com and start to type in the beginning few words of normal questions you might ask and let the google autofill do the rest. This will give some unique insight into the brilliant minds of americans.

Start by typing in: why does
Then try: why is
My favorite: why are

TV Quote of the Week

"Nice fix Tweedle-dum and even Tweedler-dum" - Pierce (Community)

I also liked when he said "Who cares about getting things. It destroys the true meaning of Valentine's Day: the birth of St. Valentine"

TV Quote of the Week

Well, it seems my quote from last week didn't go over too well (even though it was hilarious). Many of my favorite moments this week were visual - Phil tearing off his fake mustache then doubling over in pain, and Jay rubbing his butt on some stranger in the locker room, but I'll have to award my quote of the week to the townsfolk at the town meeting on 'Parks and Recreation'. They were there to discuss whether the town should sell some unhealthy energy bars at local vending sites. These are a few of the comments:

Townsperson #1: If sugar's bad, how come Jesus made it taste so good?

Townsperson #2: But isn't all food bad for you? I've been eating lasagna and muffins every day of my life for 40 years and I feel terrible.

Townsperson #3: What's so bad about corn syrup. It's natural. Corn's a fruit. Syrup comes from a bush.

TV Quote of the Week

Well most everything was a rerun this week, so I took this week's quote from an older British TV show I was watching online called 'Skins'.

Interviewer: I'm looking for a trainee. Somebody good with people. A talker.

Chris: I'm a talker. I mean, I've been talking for...well I don't know how long exactly, but years. And I know a load of words as well, like apivorous, for example.

Interviewer: What's that?

Chris: Someone who eats bees.

TV Quote of the Week

Girls are supposed to dance. That's why God gave them parts that jiggle. - Troy (Community)

What the French, Toast?

This is the best commercial ever, not because its "stylish", but because its hilarious. Its kind of old, but they've been playing it again quite a bit and I just realized how funny it is when the guy says "what the french, toast?"

Best Movies of 2009

It took me into 2010 to see most of the movies I wanted to (not all of them get released around here), so here's my favorites from last year:

1) District 9 - I thought the plot was relatively similar to Avatar, a man infiltrates and tries to save an alien race (though these aliens live in a slum in South Africa). But I liked this 100x more. The special effects aren't the focus of the movie, but they're really good and enhance the movie. Its just really, really cool.

2) Inglourious Basterds - Quentin Tarantino is a genius.

3) Paranormal Activity - I love it when movies are made for no money and are actually
good. its pretty scary.

4) Up - I would never have a dog, but this movie convinced me that if dogs could talk
then i might reconsider. Talking dogs are hilarious.

5) Drag Me To Hell - Disgusting and funny and actually one of the scarier movies to
come out in a while.

6) Precious - A fat, black 14 year old girl is pregnant for the 2nd time by her
father. Plus she lives with her abusive (in every aspect) mother. The comedienne, Mo'nique, playing the abusive mother, gives the best performance of the year.

7) Sugar - This one didn't get much of a release, so I saw it on DVD, but its one of my favorite sports movies ever. Its about a young guy from the Dominican Republic who comes to Iowa to play minor league baseball. Its different than most sports movies, but feels very authentic.

8) Bruno - I would never, ever recommend anyone see this movie. Its horribly disgusting and offensive, but it made me laugh more than any other movie this year.

9) The Fourth Kind - Apparently everybody hated this movie except me. But its been a
while since i've seen a good alien abduction movie and this one totally sucked me in.

10) Ninja Assassin - Ninjas slicing people up. Awesome.